May 2015 Fun

May has been a great month.

Our Anniversary
Steve and I celebrated 8 years of marriage on May 5th.  I feel so blessed to have spent the last 8 years married to this wonderful guy.  He is such a hard worker and an even better daddy.  We celebrated our anniversary with a night out by ourselves.  Anne had a wonderful time at a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's.  It was very nice to have a relaxing evening alone.  We went to a bed and breakfast in Syracuse, Indiana.  There wasn't much to do in Syracuse, so before picking up Anne we stopped and saw a movie, The Avengers.  The movie had its entertaining parts.  Personally, I thought it started out a little slow but by the end it was entertaining.

There was a jacuzzi tub right in the room.

Mother's Day
May 10th was Mother's Day.  Mother's Day can be a difficult day for some.  Whether, it's because of loss or infertility for some wonderful ladies the day is not filled with happiness and joy.  I understand this all too well.  I remember dreading the day, avoiding TV and news because everything was about Mother's Day.  Everything was a reminder of the lives we lost.  I know what's it's like to hate going to grocery store or the mall because there were babies and pregnant ladies everywhere.  I'm keenly aware that when I go out with Anne or even without Anne now I'm pregnant again that I may be bringing pain to someone without even meaning to.  That makes Mother's Day all the more special to me.  God has blessed us with two beautiful angels that we will forever be connected to, one little girl that we hold in our arms, and another I hold inside.

Mother’s Day is a celebration of ALL mothers, whether you hold your children in your arms, you hold your children in your hearts because God holds them in Heaven, or you hold them inside expecting them this year.

Our family made a reservation for lunch at Legends at Notre Dame.  It's becoming somewhat of a tradition, I think.  We came here last year too.  The food and atmosphere are very good.  Afterwards, the family enjoys walking around the Notre Dame campus but it was rainy.  I love being a mom to my sweet Anne.  On Mother's Day, I was 23 weeks with our second miracle.  We very much look forward to the arrival of our second rainbow in September.

Of course, I would be wrong to not honor my own mom.  I have learned so much from my mom about being a mom.  I hope that someday I am as good of a mom as she is.  I am extremely blessed that she is able to watch Anne while I work.  It feels good to know that I don't have to worry about her care when I'm away from her.

Memorial Day Weekend
This weekend, Steve's mom visited town on Sunday and since South Bend was celebrated its 150th Anniversary we joined in the festivities.  After lunch, we headed to downtown.  I thought is was actually quite well done.  The entire kid's area was free.  I love free fun.  

On Monday, my parents had their annual Memorial Day picnic. So after the parade, Anne and I worked on making some deviled eggs, which my dad helped me finish at their house.  It rained for about 20 minutes during the parade but turned out to be a beautiful day.

 Anne coloring her "Panda Mask" at the festival.

 She tried her hand at a bouncy slide with her Sister-in-Law, Julieanne and her cousin, Jacob.

 Papa shared his chocolate ice cream cone with me. ~ Anne

 Watching the parade with Grandma.  "Look, there's a doggy." ~Anne

 Anne using Grandma's hat to stay dry in the rain.

 

Today, I look like a Mother

But today is not my "first" Mother's Day.

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 Today is Mother’s Day, but today is not my first Mother's Day. Mother’s Day is a celebration of ALL mothers, whether you hold your children in your arms, you hold your children in your hearts because God holds them in Heaven, or you hold them inside expecting them this year.

Our story: In December 2011, Steve and were approved as Wycliffe Missionaries and invited to go to Cameroon, Africa. We knew this is what God’s will was for us so we started working on creating our partnership team. It seems interesting to us that just as we began making plans to start training and build our team that our world got flipped upside down. God never promised that our lives would be easy. He just promised that he would be there and that He was in control.

Our journey to parenthood also started in December 2011. Our story starts just after Christmas. We had been trying for our first child for about 6 months at that point. On December 26th, our lives changed for what we thought we be for the better. After much denial, we took the test and it was positive. I was pregnant. To make a long story short at our doctor’s appointment, the doctor confirmed what we suspected. The first week of the New Year, we naturally miscarried our first child between 5-6 weeks. That started a month long drive back and forth to the doctor getting blood tests to watch my HCG levels drop. It was painful and I hated it.


As only God can plan our Genesis class was doing a study of “Monster Inc. – Fighting the Monsters within You.” We were discussing greed, envy, anger, and fear. This was interesting since I was dealing with three of those.

I wrote this in my blog about the study on January 24, 2012:

“I have learned that when bad things happen to you, you have two choices. You can become bitter and angry at God and the world or you can become better and stronger. I choose to become better. ..I have found that if you are not careful that impatience can turn into anger, angry can turn into bitterness, and bitterness turns into envy. Envy is a horrible emotion. Envy not only steals your joy, but it robs you of feeling joy for someone else. Guilt speaks loudly in your ear when you are alone. What did I do wrong? You go through every moment in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently.

Our doctor told us that since it was early in the pregnancy that we didn’t have to wait to start trying again so we didn’t. The beginning of March came around and I still hadn’t gotten my period and so we took an HPT to rule that out and made an appointment with my doctor to make sure everything was ok. The doctor confirmed what we already knew. I was pregnant again. There was no way this was just my body messing with me or HCG from the previous pregnancy. Our doctor set me up with an OB specialist to see the next week. The OB did an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and the ultrasound measured 6 week 1 day, but no heartbeat. On Monday morning, March 26th, I knew something wasn’t right. She did an ultrasound to check things and confirmed what she already instinctively knew. I had naturally miscarried that morning. So in summary, in the first 3 months on 2012, we had been pregnant and miscarried twice.

My heart was breaking. I wanted to start 2012 over again and forget this whole year existed. After the first loss, I was devastated and depressed. After the second, I was all those things and beyond angry. I was just angry. It’s not fair. We were even planning to be missionaries and serve Him full time. How could God let this happen?

This whole time, we have been still serving with Wycliffe. We were building our team, sharing our Wycliffe ministry, and our passion for seeing the Bible available to all language groups. We were still on track to go to a two week training and orientation in Orlando, Florida.

I was more determined than ever to get our ministry started. I refused to let the Devil destroy God’s plan for the people of Cameroon. Even when I feel alone and just want to scream, God is there. While I try and find an explanation, God is there telling me He has it under control. Have I hit the acceptance stage? Hardly.

We hoped for a rainbow. Fast forward to February 2013, we got another positive pregnancy test. To say that I was anxious doesn’t even begin to describe the emotions. We called my OB and she started blood tests and wanted to do an ultrasound right away. She did a battery of tests and had me start taking progesterone and other meds because “it couldn’t hurt.” I had a picture perfect pregnancy and delivery and on October 9th, 2013, our little miracle was born.

I remember my first Mother’s Day and it was one of the hardest days of my life. Not many people knew then about our precious babies, but NOT ONE person that did know remembered. NOT ONE person wished me a happy Mother’s Day, except Steve. I felt the pain of loss and I felt like we were doing it alone.

We don’t know what God has in store for our lives as we enter the next phase in our Wycliffe ministry. We have never lost sight of the goal to get the Bible in every language that still needs one. How our ministry looks is changing. We still very much believe in the mission of Bible Translation and plan to continue with it in the future. For now, we are on a journey of faith and are striving to be the best parents to our little blessing. We believe that God will continue to provide everything that we need, just as He has been.

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So today is Mother’s Day. Whether you hold your babies in your arms or Jesus holds them in Heaven, happy Mother’s Day.

Celebrating Mother's Day

All day I was celebrating the beautiful life inside me. The last almost 18 weeks have been filled with anxiety, fear, and joy.  Steve has been walking this adventure with me one day at a time.  We could not be more excited about welcoming this baby into our family in October.  Yesterday was a celebration of ALL mothers, whether you hold your children in your arms, you hold your children in your hearts because God holds them in Heaven, or you hold them inside expecting them this year.

Happy Mother's Day!

Source: social.kidspot.com.au via Bridget on Pinterest

I got the only thing I needed for Mother's Day this year.  We listened to the heartbeat first thing in the morning.  It was nice and strong.