I woke up yesterday morning with something I haven't had much of in the last few months; hope. I woke up feeling rested and feeling ok. I almost felt weird. I am been exhausted for so long. I got up, went to church and work, then came home and had a somewhat productive evening. I worked on some online class work and did some dishes. I even made dinner for Steve when he got home from work. Last night was probably the first time I actually cooked a whole meal for dinner in months. I know that sounds weird but with our busy schedules and not being home much for dinner together and the stresses of life, I just did not feel up for cooking or eating actually. Then we even went out to see some friends watch WWE with them. I haven't left the house except for work or grocery shopping in quite awhile. I never would have guess wrestling would the first thing, but these are great friends. I felt like the fog that's been weighing me down was lifted off.
I don't think this means that I still won't have my "bad days". This doesn't mean that I understand God's plan now. I decided that I need to make some changes though. I decided that it's time that I really make the commitment to get healthier, not just physically but spiritually too. I'm going to make a real effort to exercise on a regular basis, eat healthier, and drink more water. I need to get into the word and pray more, so I don't give the Devil a chance to take me down again. Will getting healthier change the results next time? I don't know but something happening once is a statistical change, but twice is a pattern. Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is the definition of insanity and right now I'm on the precipice of insane.
I owe it to those I love to become better. I'm ready to see what God has in store for the future.
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1