"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
~Isaiah 6:8 NIV
"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
~Micah 6:8 NASB

Monday, April 2, 2012

I Need a Change

I woke up yesterday morning with something I haven't had much of in the last few months; hope. I woke up feeling rested and feeling ok.  I almost felt weird.  I am been exhausted for so long.  I got up, went to church and work, then came home and had a somewhat productive evening.  I worked on some online class work and did some dishes.  I even made dinner for Steve when he got home from work.  Last night was probably the first time I actually cooked a whole meal for dinner in months.  I know that sounds weird but with our busy schedules and not being home much for dinner together and the stresses of life, I just did not feel up for cooking or eating actually.  Then we even went out to see some friends watch WWE with them.  I haven't left the house except for work or grocery shopping in quite awhile.  I never would have guess wrestling would the first thing, but these are great friends.  I felt like the fog that's been weighing me down was lifted off.

I don't think this means that I still won't have my "bad days".  This doesn't mean that I understand God's plan now.  I decided that I need to make some changes though.  I decided that it's time that I really make the commitment to get healthier, not just physically but spiritually too.  I'm going to make a real effort to exercise on a regular basis, eat healthier, and drink more water.  I need to get into the word and pray more, so I don't give the Devil a chance to take me down again.  Will getting healthier change the results next time? I don't know but something happening once is a statistical change, but twice is a pattern.  Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is the definition of insanity and right now I'm on the precipice of insane.  

I owe it to those I love to become better.  I'm ready to see what God has in store for the future.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

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